Alex Grey ~ Despair
“But the wise man himself does not feel lonely. Wisdom brings him nearer to life; closer to the heart of the world than the foolish man can ever be.
The wise man gazing off into space sees not an emptiness, but a space full of life, truth, and law.”
“If a man knows more than others, he becomes lonely.” – Carl Jung
My life has always been filled with the feeling of being alone. These feelings I can recall all throughout my childhood, teen years and as an adult. They followed me like faceless monsters in a bad dream that would last from the wee hours of the morning and well into the dark night of the soul.
Sometimes I would feel the utter despair of abandonment as if I was a child with no parents or family even though I had both. A lost adopted child who even my own biological parents could not relate.
It often didn’t matter who I would surround myself with, and who I befriended for much needed companionship. This loneliness had seemed to haunt me no matter what I did, or where I went. Surrounding myself with people, my life was even lonelier than when I’m by myself.
Today at this point in my 44th year of my sojourn journey, this fact seems more evident than ever.
In this interconnected world of fast media, fast friends, and attention deficit disorderly people, I sometimes feel more disconnected than ever. I’m simply an outcast caught in a web on the super information highway of ignorance where almost everything and everyone is a copy of a copy that many of us now call our lives.
I’m sure many of you who are reading my words of abandonment can somewhat relate to this life sentence of solitary confinement. A life that was simply not of our own free will choosing, but a deck of cards dealt to us by fate by the dealer of death. It was as if we were sentenced to Life in order to spend our lives in some cold and dark prison cell with open doors that we are often too scared to venture out of.
You see, this lonely path you and I walk is not one of choice, but of Truth. The way of the knower who knows to much in a crowd of ignorance.
Carl Jung had walked the lonely road of Gnosis for most of his life. He was a knower, and because he was a great soul who knew too much, he was often shunned by his peers, and attacked by his ignorant critics. I think many of us can relate with Jung who had written in Memories, Dreams, and Reflections;
“Knowledge of processes in the background early shaped my relationship to the world. Basically, that relationship was the same in my childhood as it is to this day.
As a child I felt myself to be alone, and I am still, because I know things and must hint at things which others apparently know nothing of, and for the most part do not want to know.
Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible. The loneliness began with the experiences of my early dreams, and reached its climax at the time I was working on the unconscious.